If you saw my last entry, then you know I was going on and on about the best idea I ever had and how much writing I was doing and how great everything was going in my life as far as literature goes.
Yeah. Turns out that writing about that was the worst idea I ever had.
And, yeah, I’ve written a little bit on the story (mostly the second one, just because of the boys), but compared to what I had been writing? It’s pitiful. I mean, I haven’t busted out a blog entry in over a week. Ridic.
So, instead of writing, what have I been doing?
Drink, decide to do the 30 Day Shred for 30 days in a row, drink, blow off the 30 Day Shred after Day 2 but have every intention to start it back up because I’m seriously afraid that Jillian Michaels is going to track me down and make me do, like, 100 push-ups, and not the modified girly ones that I can barely do now, but real push-ups, like military basic training push-ups.
I’ve also ate a lot and had to leave work one day due to taking a Benadryl. That’s right. I was trying to fight off some allergies (oh, hai Kentucky, you suck.) and took one itty-bitty Benadryl tablet at work around 11:45. Next thing I know, it’s four in the afternoon and I’m in my bed, waking up from a deep sleep. This is why I can’t do drugs any harder than Sudafed.
Well, the main reason. Them being illegal, me not being entirely sure how to go about attaining them, the fact that I can’t afford them, and me just being afraid to be as high as a motherfucking kite are the other reasons.
But instead of all this Debbie Downer talk, let’s talk about some good things.
I saw these kids a couple weekends ago at the Musicians’ Corner in Nashville. Not only do they have beautiful songs with wonderful vocals, but they may be the cutest people to ever live. I bought their album, The Here and the Now, on iTunes, and I highly suggest that you do the same.
2 – Burt’s Bees everything.
They have a new lip balm that’s supposed to protect your lips from the sun and it has mango butter in it and it smells so good. Like, I would seriously make out with me when I’m wearing it. The milk and honey lotion is also kind of the bee’s knees.
3 – The sweet international student that wanted to shake my hand.
A student worker came to pick up his check on Friday (I was handing them out during lunch for a coworker) and he got his check, walked about ten feet away and then came back. I assumed he had a question about his time sheet, but then he asked me a question:
Student assistant: Do you write books?
Inner monologue: I’M FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: (with the biggest presidential shit-eating grin you ever did see) I wrote a book, yeah. Did you see it in the display upstairs?
Student assistant: Yes. Can I shake your hand?
Inner monologue: Oh my God. I am an international celebrity. Hollywood’s going to be calling me any minute wanting to adapt my novel into a movie and then I’ll get a text from Jason Segel asking me to co-write a movie with him that we’ll both star in and have a real-life romance that isn’t annoying like Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. And Zac Efron is totally gay anyway. Who does he think he’s fooling? Except for Vanessa Hudgens?
Me: Yeah, totally.
Student assistant: Congratulations.
Me: Thank you.
Inner monologue: When I go to the MTV Movie Awards, because the movie I co-wrote and starred in with Jason Segel is obviously going to take home pretty much every award, I’m going to punch Kanye West in the groin. I know it’s the MTV Movie Awards, but you know that bitch is going to be in a movie between now and the time that our movie is released because he loves attention so much, and I’m still angry at him for the whole Taylor Swift thing. Then I’ll co-write a song with Taylor Swift about it and will somehow develop a singing voice and we can do a whole duet like Brandy and Monica did with “The Boy is Mine”! Oh my God. I am a celebrity AND a genius. I can’t wait to put this in my blog.
4 – GTL: Gym. Turtleneck. Laundry.
God bless my friend Megan (and Awkward Family Photos) for sharing this Situation with me.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I did Day 14 today. I’m at that point where I can’t quit even if I want to.
Congrats on your celeb status. I’m going to read your book sometime. It may be next summer, but by God, I’m reading it.
That’s amazing! Congratulations to you!
And, aw. Thanks, dude.
i got a post mention! and, it’s alongside mike “the situation” sorrentino. my dreams of having myself mentioned in a blog with the situation have finally come true…and with way less cold sores! so glad you enjoyed the picture. just so you know, it’s currently my desktop.
You’re welcome.
And you should seriously change all the desktops down on the second floor to that picture, even the student computers. I don’t think Brent or Michael would care that much.
Note to self…I shouldn’t try to eat/drink while reading your blog. I almost ended up with a Diet Coke covered monitor, and I almost choked on my cheeseburger. (That’s what I get for eating fast food) Anyway…
The inner monologue = priceless! I’m glad you decided to share. Why don’t you just write a book of these gems???
Oh my God, cheeseburger. That sounds so good right now. As does a Diet Coke. Why must you tease me so?!?!
And I’m glad I made you laugh.
I really should just write a stream-of-consciousness inner-monologue-type book. It couldn’t be any worse than “Heart of Darkness”, which isn’t written as a stream-of-consciousness, but is just a shitty book.