This weekend has been declared Craftapalooza 2010. I was the one who declared it so and therefore, that makes me Queen. Ooh, or Goddess Divine. Yeah, I want to go by that title.
So, in being Craftapalooza 2010 and me being the Goddess Divine of that, I have spent the bulk of my day knee-deep in craft projects. Craft projects that rely heavily on Mod Podge. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever used Mod Podge. More importantly, I don’t know if you’ve ever smelled Mod Podge. For, like, five hours straight. But, if you have, you’ll understand where this post is coming from.
My friends, I, Goddess Divine, am totally high on Mod Podge fumes right now. And I’m gaining the kind of clarity that usually comes after four pitchers of beer shared with the bestie.
I didn’t mean to get all hopped up on Mod Podge fumes. It just sort of happened. I didn’t think to crack a window (not that I would have opened a window if I had thought of it since I live in the ghetto and I’m against getting robbed/raped/killed) or turn on the ceiling fan until about five minutes ago. But, by then, it was too late. And now here I am all loopy on craft fumes.
Oh my God, how lame am I? It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone, accidentally high off of craft products.
Now, about the clarity thing I mentioned. Yeah, see, I’ve been trying to change my perspective on things: on life, my miserable body image, the town I live in, blah blah blah. But I don’t really know how to do that. Like, I’ve decided to start with my body image because, seriously, it’s in the shitter and I think there’s some truth to the whole “no one will love you until you learn to love yourself” bullshit. So, somewhere between craft projects, I really started thinking about things.
You know what I discovered?
I’m pretty fucking awesome. Seriously. Fuck what the scale and the tag on my jeans say. The average American woman is 5’4 and wears a size 12 or 14 jean (I forget which, but it’s definitely one of those two sizes). And you know what? I’m 5’6. I’m taller than the average American woman. Which I think, for whatever reason, is kind of kick ass. And, yeah, I don’t have much of a neck but carry an extra chin around. But I have bright blue eyes and have been told that I look like Drew Barrymore. And Drew Barrymore? That bitch is gorgeous.
Also? I’ve got a bachelor’s degree and I’m starting on my Masters degree in the fall. I’m a fucking published author… and yeah, it may be self-published, but that book is on Amazon and that means a lot to me. I have a full-time job with insurance and a Roth 403b. All you women who independent, throw your hands up at me.
And the best part? I’m nice, dammit. Men love bitches and I don’t get that because, seriously, why would anyone want to be with someone who is all bossy and bitchy and just mean? But, whatever, I’m nice. And smart… or at least my mouth is.
So I may feel silly standing in front of a mirror and saying ten things I like about myself every day. Yes, I tried that, and I think I made it to the third thing before I just turned into my self-deprecating self. But all it really takes for me to realize my self-worth is to get all tripped up on Mod Podge.
Goddess Divine has spoken.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes! You la Goddess Divine are awesome
Independence is amazing – I actually had that epiphany last night after interacting w/ a few annoying relatives, but enjoying the opportunity to list my various accomplishments – We’re doing okay 
but I would try to remember to pick up a surgical mask for the mod podge … that stuff is scary potent!
…and, btw, I’m jealous of your height. At 5’2″ I have to scuttle back and forth between the petite women’s department and the regular women’s department while shopping… these departments are NEVER anywhere near each other (and petite sized clothing is sized weird, just as an fyi)
Thanks, Shayna! And isn’t it great to ever-so-slightly tell those annoying family members off?
I will definitely pick up a mask before my next craft night.
It sounds like you’ve accomplished a lot more than most! You should definitely be proud!
Aw, thanks Barbara!
You are amazingly awesome! I love your posts!
Way to become my new favorite person, Elizabeth! Thanks so much!